Well, I've had to realise I'm older and can't handle my drink like that anymore. I've cleaned up my act and I'm not a grumpy, miserable bastard any more. Phoenix will be the first time I've stepped on stage since 1993. I saw David Bowie there last year and thought he was really good - although I went with Keith Allen, the actor, and he kept shouting "Taxi for David Bowie! Taxi for David Bowie!" during the quiet bits. I sent Keith back to the refreshment tent at that point.

Have you had any good heckling?

I had a shoe thrown at me once, in Chippenham of all places. I invited the person who'd thrown it to come back after the show. And the stupid idiot came back. We gave him a present, too - involving urine and a pail.

Did you got to festivals as a youngster?

I was on the Isle of Wight when Jimi Hendrix was playing. Unfortunately, I was there with my grandparents, and was more interested in fishing off the end of the pier. I could hear the festival in the distance, but I wasn't really interested.

All the time I've been making music, I've wanted to break new ground. The aim behind Blue Monday was to do something people hadn't heard before, and I think we managed that. We also wrote it because we hated doing encores - they're so predictable, yet it's supposed to be a spontaneous thing. The idea was that I'd come back on stage, press the play button, let all the sequencers and computers play Blue Monday as an encore, and fuck off.

You're credited with inventing the listenable World Cup song - but is it time to go back to gang vocals?

I don't know anything about fucking football and I've no idea why they asked us to do that song.

I don't know what the current situation is. I daren't ask. It's probably such bad news that I'd need hospitalisation. It's not the sort of business New Order want to get into any more. The violence down there and the huge sums of money involved were a stress on us. Setting it up seemed like a good idea at the time, both socially and for the city. We felt, rather naievely, that we'd made a lot of money out of Manchester and wanted to put something back. But it was just too heavy.

Have you ever had long hair?

Shall I admit to this? I used to be a skinhead, and then I was a suedehead, and after that came in a kind of... the words won't come out... layered a feathered look. There, I've said it. It was not one of my best periods.

And there was a 'tache at one point, wasn't there?

Who fucking told you that? No, this is the new me... I'm going to admit to it. The thing is, I looked very young when I was 18 and they wouldn't let me in pubs. They wouldn't even let me in youth clubs. So, yes, I did have a bum-fluff moustache - one of those that don't quite meet in the middle because you haven't got enough testosterone running through your body. It looked like Noel's eyebrows, only on the lips.

Top Of The Pops was going through a period when they had link-ups from bands on tour who couldn't get to the studio, where they tried to show something of the country the band were in. We were recording in LA and got asked to do it. I said to myself, "What culture comes out of LA?" and immediately thought of Baywatch. Surprisingly, they agreed to do it. David Hasselhoff is a big recording star in Germany and he wanted to break into the British market, so he got them all down there on the set playing volleyball and he wanted to sing the song with me. I was going to let him, but my managment over-ruled me.

Where's the crummiest place you've ever stayed?

The Tropicana in Los Angeles, where The Doors used to stay. We went there in the early Eighties, just before it was demolished. The whole place was full of cock-roaches; we had to put the sheets under the mattress so they couldn't crawl up. I told the guy at reception and he burst out laughing. They also had vodka-drinking flies in there - if you had a party in your room you'd get all theses flies dive-bombing your vodka. But we're used to it: we had rats in Joy Division's rehearsal room.

Have you ever been in a foreign hospital?

I had to go to hospital in Chicago because I'd drunk too much. It was very handy because it was right next to the hotel we were staying in. I didn't even have to get an ambulance.

In this issue, there's a feature about healing yourself without doctors. Have you ever diagnosed yourself?

I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. I have a program on my computer called Housecall - it's fantastic, it's like having your own doctor in the house. You put your symptoms in and it tells you what's wrong with you. Unfortunately it doesn't print prescriptions out.

And finally, have you ever been caught up in a tornado or another act of God?

I've been in earthquakes four times. One in Manchester, one in Tokyo, one in San Diego, and one in Stratford. In Tokyo I was lying on my bed reading; there was a hair dryer on the wall and the flex started swinging. I thought, fuck, it's a poltergeist. Then the room started swaying and I thought: hey, this feels like I'm having sex. It was quite a pleasant experience. But the wierdest one was in San Diego. I woke up at eight in the morning to this cracking sound and there was plaster falling from the ceiling. I got up to look outside, but as soon as I opened the curtain it stopped, so I thought it was a dream and went back to bed and slept through the rest of it.